ALL ABOARD THE GRAVY BOAT: As if the EU institutions didn’t give out enough perks, staff can now enjoy a subsidized Schengen cruise on the “Princesse Marie-Astrid” on September 24. There’ll be a maximum of 30 fellow cruisers for the trip along the Moselle River. Stops include the Museum of Wine in Ehnen, Luxembourg, then a visit to the Caves of St. Martin wine cellars at Remich and onward to “discover Schengen and its environment.” Obviously, you won’t need a visa.
IF SCHENGEN DOESN’T FLOAT YOUR BOAT … Try getting out of Brussels to Lyon, which has been awarded “best weekend destination in Europe” by the jury of the World Travel Awards. It’ll be a cozy weekend with you and the other 5.5 million visitors who discover the secret annually.
Lyon | Jeff Pachoud/AFP via Getty Images
GREETING OF THE WEEK: “Whenever I see you, Mr. Lazarou, I think of discharge,” said Czech MEP Martina Dlabajová to Cyprus’ candidate for the European Court of Auditors, while chairing a hearing in the Budgetary Control Committee. She was referring to the “budgetary discharge procedure,” the process by which MEPs let certain agencies spend EU cash.
TAJANI’S FADING PRESIDENTIAL PROSPECTS: Antonio Tajani had a rough time in front of the European Parliament’s Dieselgate committee earlier this week, as MEPs accused him of covering up findings by the Commission’s Joint Research Center during his time as EU industry commissioner. Once touted as the most likely successor to Martin Schulz as EP president, Tajani is struggling to secure the support of Manfred Weber, parliamentary leader of the European People’s Party, who convened a “casual” chat last week in his Bavarian abode about who should be the EPP’s presidential candidate. Playbook keeps hearing about another potential EPP contender, Vice President Mairead McGuinness. Last week the Irish MEP was in Japan looking presidential at a meeting with Emperor Akihito. Perhaps Schulz skipped that photo-op out of fear of being compared to a leader who has hinted he wants to abdicate, while Schulz shows no sign of giving up his throne.
Antonio Tajani | Jack Guez/AFP via Getty Images
MORE DINING OPTIONS FOR PARLIAMENT STAFF! European taxpayers will be delighted to know that three new restaurants are opening in the Parliament in the coming months. For more environmentally minded MEPs and staffers, a new organic food corner “will aim for a gourmand, innovative approach in order to provide a selection of premium quality, healthy products, offering cold and hot dishes as well as a takeaway option.” The Parliament’s sandwich bar is being replaced by a “Mediterranean-style restaurant” (though it will remain open after the holiday season, so we’re not sure which Mediterranean they are referring to). Most exciting, however, is a new café opening in the European House of History: “A vibrant culinary trip around Europe through a healthy and sustainable cuisine in an exceptional setting, the Café will contribute towards the image of the museum.” Given the museum’s cost overruns and accusations of it being a vehicle for federalist propaganda, that’s setting a low bar.
INTER-INSTITUTIONAL HACKATHON: The IT departments of the European Parliament, Commission and Council are organizing an inter-institutional hackathon on October 15. They want to “solve challenges that are common to the three institutions,” according to the invite. There will be prizes of €1,000 for the best projects and the good news for Eurocrat computer geeks is that they can look forward to “an informal environment … with no project charters, no risk assessments, no managers, just coding,” just “creating something cool and useful.” We see three scenarios that could come out of this “cool” event: 1) Anoraks will try to crack the code for Council classified documents; 2) Jealous member countries will try to make public top-secret MEP expense returns; or 3) All three join forces to hack into Apple’s finance department.
FASHION FOOTNOTE: Which senior Commission official thought it was a good idea to wear sandals with socks to the DLDeurope conference this week at the Bavarian representation in Brussels?
Picture by Ryan Heath
MATTEO RENZI KICKED A FISH, AND HE LIKED IT: It was a case of carp diem for Italian Prime Minister Renzi at this week’s G20 summit in China. More used to kicking the policy can down the road, Renzi decided to fight back when a large fish jumped out of a lake and into a boat containing leaders including Theresa May and Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull. There’s no word on what it took to get the fish back into the water.
IT’S (STILL) SPAM SEASON: Summer’s over and EU institutional junk mail is back! The latest missive to the entire European Parliament comes from an assistant to Spanish MEP Gabriel Mato, who emailed thousands of people to announce two wardrobes for sale for €1,700.
PUSHING THE ENVELOPE: Do you tremble with fear when that letter from a Belgian administration turns up just 11 months after you requested your ID card or filed your tax return? Never fear, because the beauty of Europe’s legal single market has created a precedent for you. A man in Sweden has successfully claimed a phobia of official letters to get out of a bunch of traffic fines, reports Skånska Dagbladet. You’re welcome!
SEPARATED AT BIRTH? Apple’s Tim Cook and Commission’s Margrethe Vestager.
FAR-RIGHT DANISH MEP SECURES BACKING OF PARTY LEADER: The leader of the Danish People’s Party, Kristian Thulesen Dahl, below, had spent the end of August distancing himself from the party’s former golden boy, embattled MEP Morten Messerschmidt, who is being investigated by the Danish anti-fraud squad in connection with his efforts to set up a far-right European political organization. But this past weekend Dahl told Danish reporters, “I hope that Morten has a great future in Danish and European politics because I believe he is a skilled politician and has a lot to offer.”
WHO’S UP:
Brussels lobbyists: We hear Apple has finally recognized it might need some.
European Space Agency: It rediscovered Philae, the EU’s comet space lander that went missing nearly two years ago. It bounced into a dark crack on Comet 67P. With no solar power it took photos from the Rosetta spacecraft to locate Philae.
WHO’S DOWN:
Angela Merkel: Her CDU party couldn’t do any better than a bronze medal in her own region’s local elections.
José Manuel Barroso and Neelie Kroes: He’s still under fire for his new Goldman Sachs gig; she was slapped down by Commission spokespeople for writing in the Guardian against the work of her successor Margrethe Vestager.